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Reflection on the Last Thirteen Years

2/12/2020

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Reflection on the Last Thirteen Years
With each year, another challenge presents itself. As I enter the year 2020, I find myself entering a familiar scenario; one that I have written about in the past and lessons I have learned. So, as I move forward in 2020, I would like to update my post entitled “Reflection on the Last Twelve Years” and add one more lesson that I have learned.
As I prepare to have surgery #15 on February 18, 2020, I begin to reflect over the last thirteen years of my life.  It has been a time filled with surgeries, recovery, life changes, and transformation.  During this time, I have learned many valuable life lessons.  Many of those lessons were cliché’s that I heard before, but now they take on a new meaning.  Here are 13 things that I have come to realize over my last 13 years.

1.  God IS in control.
This is a common response to many people who are going through troubled times, and trials of life. I never really had a full understanding of it until I entered my own suffering. I have found that it is not just enough to believe that God’s in control, but to trust God is in control. In order to trust, we must be willing to fully surrender ALL aspects of our life to Him. As humans, we have a tendency to surrender 99%, but we want to hold on to that remaining 1%. It is in releasing that 1% that we step over the threshold of the believing to trusting. In order to understand this, I use the analogy that all human beings have the same genetic makeup in 99% of their body; the remaining 1% is what makes us unique and different. If that 1% is what makes each of us an individual, then how important is that 1% of our life which we hold onto instead of surrendering to Christ. In surrendering that final 1%, we are handing over to Christ, all things that make us unique and individual. We must understand how important it is to surrender 100% of who we are to Christ in order to learn how to trust. During my past 13 years, I have moved from the believing to trusting, and knowing that God is in control of my life, no matter what I am going through or will go through. “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

2. We MUST live in God’s will.
In order to understand this point, I will use the phrase “we were born on purpose, with a purpose.” Until you believe in this phrase and understand it in relation to God’s Word, you will not be able to live in God’s will. I have found that until we study His Word, in order to understand who, He is, and what our role is as followers of Christ, it is impossible to live in His will. I had always lived with the understanding that I controlled my own destiny. This is one of the many lies that our world teaches us. We do not control our destiny; God controls it when we live in His will. When we live out of His will, we pursue the treasures of this world instead of storing our treasures in heaven. When we are living out of His will, we are living in the ways of the world which lead to death. When we are living in His will, our life becomes more manageable, clearer, and fruitful. It does not become easier nor free of suffering/trials. Under His will, we find our purpose in life and understand that our destiny is not of this world, but of the afterlife when we reach heaven. “And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.” (1 John 2:17)

3.  Your IDENTITY is in Christ – not your job. Out of the many things I have learned, this is the one that hit me the hardest. I had fallen into the trap that your job and prestige is how you define yourself. It worked well for many years, but when I lost my job of 27 years, I found myself questioning who I was. Only when we tie our identity to Christ are we able to live life to the fullest, and understand what our true potential is. When our identity is tied to Christ, He will never leave us nor forsake us. Our life continues regardless of what happens. It is in our identity in Christ where we find comfort, direction, stability, and freedom. We will never find fulfillment when our identity is tied to things of this world. “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)

4.  You ARE God’s masterpiece. This is another lesson which was difficult for me. Many people that I work with deal with low self-esteem or self-worth. Once we understand that we are God’s masterpiece, we are able to look upon ourselves through a different lens. Upon our acceptance of Christ and repentance of sins, God cleaned our old canvas of life, and begin to create a new painting. At times, He will let his brush rest and not attend to his masterpiece, but that does not mean He has forgotten us. He may also use dark colors to represent the dark times in our life and use bright colors representing the good times. But we must remember He is not done with us yet. It is not until we join him in heaven that our masterpiece is complete. We must be patient as God works on this wonderful painting that is us. “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:10)

5.  You CAN’T take it with, but you can store treasures in heaven. I think we’ve all heard throughout our lives the expression “you can’t take it with you.” Another expression I think of is “it is the simple things of life that have the most meaning.” A lesson I learned was both of these phrases are correct. When we buy into the worldview that we need more “stuff”, we are rejecting what is important and not contributing to the Kingdom of God. Our money is spent to buy pleasure in order to find peace and relaxation while dealing with the stresses of this world. I found that this does not bring you the peace and relaxation you desire, but often brings more trouble. When we take our focus off of what we can attain in this world, and change it to building our treasures in heaven, our life becomes more meaningful and purpose filled. We will not be able to take anything from this world when we step in to heaven, but we can contribute to our treasures while living in this world so when we step into the afterlife we will have the many treasures we earned through our earthly life. “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-21)

6. LOVE your neighbor as yourself. As our world continues to become one of divisiveness and violence, it becomes more difficult to follow this command. When we look at our neighbor and feel hatred, envy, contempt, and indifference; we lose sight that all of us were created by God to become children of God. Emotions such as hatred, envy, contempt, and indifference can consume our souls to the point there is no love to share for others. When we learn to look at our neighbors as children of God, created by God, and fallen sinners in need of grace, only then are we able to love them as the creation they are. The inability to love our neighbor as ourselves leads to an unhappy life that will never be fulfilled. This is so important that Jesus made it the second greatest command behind loving God with all of our mind, body and soul as the greatest command. When you love your neighbor as yourself, you will gain the compassion that Jesus had when he walked among the sinners and was able to share the gospel with each one of them. “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:36-40)

7. HOME is where your heart is; not a physical place. This lesson was probably the easiest for me. I have moved 20 times during the 56 years of my life. I learned early in my life that it is not the house that makes home, but the people who live in it. I am often questioned by those who have not moved during their life how it has affected me. I believe the effects have been the understanding that our home on earth is a temporary one. As Christians, our true home is in heaven. If we look to build our life to be “heaven on earth,” then the prospects of the true heaven are not as inviting. I long for the day when I reach heaven and will no longer be the rolling stone that I am. As Christians we are told that we are strangers and exiles in this world and as such should not feel at home. It is our longing for heaven that helps to put our lives in perspective, what is important, and why we should feel like strangers in this world in which we live. “These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.” (Hebrews 11:13-16)

8. You CANNOT put a price on peace of mind. Many people are constantly searching for something that will give them peace of mind. They will go to the extent of spending large amounts of money on the quick fixes of life, the get rich quick schemes, taking lavish vacations, and filling their lives with material possessions which they feel will help them find relaxation and peace. I have been guilty of all of the above, but was never able to find my inner peace. There was always something else that was available through the world promising me peace that I was willing to spend money to get. I came to the realization once I found my identity in Christ, that I was God’s masterpiece; that it was futile to store treasures on earth, because my home was in heaven. This allowed me to be able to find peace while living in this world. When the focus of our life is on God, and the decisions we make are based on God’s Word, He will bring a peace to our soul to help us accommodate the trials/sufferings of this world in order for us to make it to the next. It is only with God that one can bring true peace with in one’s soul. I have found such a godly peace and no longer desire many tempting things of this world that promise peace. With this peace comes a freedom from the worldly pressures and demands because we know that God is in control and any suffering in this life will be put to rest in our afterlife. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. (John 14:27)

9. Your children need YOU, not stuff. In the busyness of our world there has been a shift of what parents think children need. In an effort to keep them busy, many parents have bought into the lie that children need the latest gadgets, the trendiest clothes, and the coolest car. In my work with children and adolescents, I have found the exact opposite. When speaking with children and adolescents, the number one thing they desire is for their parents to spend time with them. This time is not as the old adage stated which was “quality was better than quantity.” It is actually quantity that children desire over quality. When quality is our goal, we tend to fill the time with much activity that takes away from the ability to form a strong relational bond with the child. When we focus on quantity, we are able to establish that relational bond without filling their lives to the point they have no downtime to learn how to reflect on life, occupy themselves when bored, and be creative in their thinking. This lesson hit me when my youngest son offered to sell his ATV which was given as a birthday gift just a few weeks before I found out that my health conditions would inhibit my ability to work. His comment was that he would much rather spend time with me then have is ATV. In his mind, the money spent on the ATV could go to the impending bills we would have, to treat my condition while allowing me to spend quantity time with him; which was worth more to him than the new ATV. I knew then that I had neglected my older children with the time they needed to build a solid relationship with me. I cannot change the past, but I can commit to the future to where I’m available when needed, and will spend quantity of time I can with my grandchildren. Money does not buy a solid relationship with your children; it only contributes to entitlement. Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

10. DO NOT raise good children; raise good adults. This is another issue that has become prevalent in our world today. As society looks to change the age of adulthood from 18 to anywhere from 21 to 28, we have created a generation of children who have not experienced the difficulties of life, the consequences of life, and how to work through the challenges of life. As parents, we have jumped in every time our child struggled and made it right by them. We are so intent on protecting our children, that we are not doing as God called by teaching them how to protect themselves. Many parents will define themselves by saying “my child is my entire life.” When we have this attitude, we are doing our children a disservice. When our children are our entire life, we inhibit their ability to grow into an adult and be responsible for themselves. The other issue with children being our “whole life” is we deny them the ability to find their purpose in life and God’s intent for their life. I have worked with many parents who have lost their identity once the children have left the home for good. In some cases this often leads to divorce because the mother and father have lost their identity once their child moves out on his own. They often find they no longer know each other because for the past 20 years they dedicated their life to their child. When a child is raised with responsibilities, and allowed to suffer the consequences of poor decisions, they will mature more quickly and understand that life is difficult and that difficulty depends on the decisions they make. There are many in the age range of 21 to 28 that still show the actions and maturity of a child. In those cases, when I look at the parents I can see where the problem lies. As long as we continue to treat our adult children as children, the longer they will behave as children. In order to be an effective parent, we must grow our children with responsibility and consequences so that when they turned the age of 18, they will understand what being an adult means and welcome being treated as an adult by their parents. It is a wonderful relationship when you learn to adjust from being the adult of a child to be an adult of your responsible child who is now an adult. My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights. (Proverbs 3:11-12)

11. My problems are MINE, not yours. As I began dealing with issues of my health, I learned that many people attempt to transfer their issues/problems on to someone else. In the psychological world, it is called transference or projection when a client attempts to draw the counselor into feeling sorry for them. I have met many people over the years who will automatically share all their problems with a stranger in order to justify their lack of ability. They have formed their identity in their illness which inhibits their ability to live a purpose filled life as we are called to do. When it comes to our purpose in life, God did not put disqualifiers in that description. God does not change our call in life even though we may have encountered difficulties or barricades. The calling/purpose that was given to us by God remains the same until we enter into heaven. When we allow difficulties to persuade us that we can no longer follow his purpose/will, then we have bought into the lies of this world, that our self-worth is based on our ability to succeed in wealth and prestige. God’s will/purpose for our life never changes nor should our drive to fulfill that mission. I have learned that regardless of the amount of pain I deal with or the ability to physically function, I am still called by God to fulfill the purpose that He brought me into the world to do. It is my responsibility to find a new way of fulfilling that purpose if I am physically limited due to conditions I incur. Even with disabilities, we can find new ways to fulfill the purpose of God’s calling. This is not a time to throw up the surrender flag and hide ourselves away from the rest of the world. It is a time of reflection and self-evaluation in order to strengthen our desire, to maintain our identity in Christ, and to fulfill the purpose that we were created to do. God will always create a way for us to live within his will. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.
(2 Corinthians 5:15)

12. Your past does not define you; your actions today do.  We all have a past.  A past where we have made good decisions and bad decisions. The life we are living today is a reflection of those decisions. There are people who will continue to look back at their past and try to pull it along with them as a reason for why they do what they do. But when we hang on to the past as justification for our actions, it is not the past – it is the present. One of the most important things I have learned over this past year is when God blesses us with another day of life, we have two choices. We can continue to drag our past around with us, playing the victim to life circumstances, or we can realize the blessing of new day, change our course of direction and become a victor over our past. With each new day, we have the opportunity to choose a path that will lead us to a better life, but we cannot do that as long as our focus in on our past and who we were. Our focus is forward looking, and our focal point should be on Christ. As a man plows a field, he will have a focal point to keep his rows straight. If he does not, his field will be in disarray, and the upkeep and harvest will be a mess. The same happens with our life. When our focus is not on Christ, when we continually look back, and we create more havoc for our life. One of my favorite Scriptures is Luke 9:62 because it reminds us where our focus should be. Appreciate the opportunity for another day of life, and choose to change your course from focusing on the past to focusing the future, which is Christ. But Jesus told him, “Anyone who puts a hand to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:62)

13. We AREN’T What We Appear to Be.  If we are honest, we all have things about ourselves that we don’t share to the world. I refer to them as “facades” or “blinds” because they inhibit the world from seeing the real person. In the Christian Counseling world, they are often referred to as “pseudo-Christians.” They have the outward appearance of living a godly life while on the inside, they follow the beliefs of the worldly culture. Jesus reference these when speaking about the Pharisees, “You Pharisees are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy—full of greed and wickedness!” (Luke 11:39). People are not always what they seem, but that doesn’t mean they are all bad or wicked. Their intent maybe meant for good, but the means evil. We must accept that humans have been fallen from the beginning of time, accept this as fact, so we can accept them as they are; facades and all. If we don’t, we take the chance of not fulfilling our purpose God has put us here for. As far as ourselves, we need to be open with others, but cautious. We need to allow ourselves to reveal our true heart, the heart of Jesus, as we interact with others; even those who seem not to have our best interest at heart.
"The LORD doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearances, but the LORD looks at the heart"
1 Samuel 16:7

I can only hope and pray that the next 13 years will be as transformational as the past. As I draw closer to God, and learn more about his plans for me, I find reassurance that no matter what happens to my physical body, God will always be there directing the path for me to go until the day I see Him in heaven.
 
 
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How Can I Love Others if I Don’t Love Myself?

10/30/2019

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How Can I Love Others if I Don’t Love Myself?
 
This is a question I have wrestled with for many years. It’s a question I have never heard addressed in the pulpit, yet there are many who fit into this category and wonder the same question. For the Christian, we contemplate whether or not we can accept the diagnosis of a mental health issue when our peers will lean towards it being a spiritual issue. I’ve heard the comments, “you need to read your Bible more,” “you need more faith and hope in God,” and my favorite “you just need to pray harder.” I do not doubt that God can heal all things but in a fallen world, we live in fallen bodies that are flawed from generations of abuse, dietary issues, illnesses, disease, and misguided morals. What are we to do?

Jesus tells us what the most important commands are and that in these, the law is fulfilled:

37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” (Matt. 22:37-40, NLT)

As a Christian, it is our desire to do what Christ commands us to do, but what if there is that internal struggle that causes depression, low self-esteem, low self-worth and self-doubt. I have personally experienced all of these in my life and know what it’s like to try to love others when you don’t love yourself. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (Unipolar Depression today) in my early thirties and have struggled to understand and live out this command. Through my own experience and in my working with others who have similar struggles, I believe it comes down to two things: a physiological reason resulting in a mental health issue, and a spiritual struggle.

I have worked with many people who suffer from an undiagnosed mental health issue. These people will often self-medicate through various means causing some to suffer from addictions, and others to live a life of misery. It is my personal opinion that when God created man and woman, we were perfect at that time. It was after the fall of mankind and the ejection from the Garden of Eden that the change in the human body began. Whether it be through inbreeding, disease, exposure to dangerous elements or sin itself, our bodies have become flawed and we must look at the physiological symptoms of people to see if they can benefit from medication management in dealing with a mental illness condition. The Bible even tells us to benefit wise counsel in our life, “The instruction of the wise is like a life-giving fountain; those who accept it avoid the snares of death.” (Pro. 13:14).  It is through doctors and counselors that we can find the solution that will start us out on a new path.

Depression seems to be the most prevalent mental health issue that hinders our ability to love ourselves and love others. Depression is often misunderstood, and many suffer from it, but do not realize it. The Mayo Clinic list the following symptoms and conditions under the heading of depression:

“Although depression may occur only once during your life, people typically have multiple episodes. During these episodes, symptoms occur most of the day, nearly every day and may include:
  • Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
  • Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
  • Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
  • Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
  • Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
  • Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
  • Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
  • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame
  • Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
  • Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
  • Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches
For many people with depression, symptoms usually are severe enough to cause noticeable problems in day-to-day activities, such as work, school, social activities or relationships with others. Some people may feel generally miserable or unhappy without really knowing why.

Depression symptoms in children and teens
Common signs and symptoms of depression in children and teenagers are similar to those of adults, but there can be some differences.
  • In younger children, symptoms of depression may include sadness, irritability, clinginess, worry, aches and pains, refusing to go to school, or being underweight.
  • In teens, symptoms may include sadness, irritability, feeling negative and worthless, anger, poor performance or poor attendance at school, feeling misunderstood and extremely sensitive, using recreational drugs or alcohol, eating or sleeping too much, self-harm, loss of interest in normal activities, and avoidance of social interaction.

Depression symptoms in older adults
Depression is not a normal part of growing older, and it should never be taken lightly. Unfortunately, depression often goes undiagnosed and untreated in older adults, and they may feel reluctant to seek help. Symptoms of depression may be different or less obvious in older adults, such as:
  • Memory difficulties or personality changes
  • Physical aches or pain
  • Fatigue, loss of appetite, sleep problems or loss of interest in sex — not caused by a medical condition or medication
  • Often wanting to stay at home, rather than going out to socialize or doing new things
  • Suicidal thinking or feelings, especially in older men” (MayoClinic.org, 10/30/2019)

As you can see, depression can manifest itself in varying ways within the human body. It is a necessity to diagnose depression in a person in order for the proper medication management to begin. Without the proper medicine, people will continue to struggle with God’s command leading them into a life of confliction. In some, they turn to alcohol or drugs to self-medicate and eliminate the struggle of depression. In others, they may turn to the behavioral addiction such as pornography, gambling, food, etc.  Once the diagnosis of depression is reached and proper medication is established, the person’s addiction becomes easier to control and eventually end. As Christians in the church, we need to accept that mental health is a real thing, a real issue, but is manageable with the proper treatment.

So where does the spiritual struggle fit into all of this. Those who are dealing with mental health issues struggle spiritually because they feel they are not worthy of love, and God is a distant figure who cannot help. Once we begin the proper treatment for the individual, the internal struggles in the mind begin to settle down allowing ourselves to be able to concentrate and meditate on God’s Word. When we are depressed, we cannot fathom a God that loves unconditionally as ours does. We feel dirty and not worthy of his love and we feel he cannot forgive the many sins we have committed. But that is the depression talking and not God.

As our minds become more clearer, the Word becomes more meaningful and understanding. We begin to learn of God’s love for us, and it is through His love for us, that we begin to love ourselves, and then love others. In Ephesians 3:14-19, Paul explains it well:

14 When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, 15 the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. 16 I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. 17 Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. 18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

As we draw from the inner strength of the Holy Spirit, we are able to look over our flaws to love ourselves, and then, begin to love others. For me personally, this journey took many years and many different medications until we were able to establish the right dosage. It took the right dosage to achieve the thought process that I was normal, I did have value, and my life did matter. With all these things in place, I was able to go to God’s Word and hear Him speak to me as I read His Word.

If you are one of the many who struggle with the command to love others because you don’t love yourself, look at the symptoms of depression and see if they fit; seek medical help and therapeutic counseling to help you get your thought processes back on track. God has a better life for you, but you must first recognize your flaws and seek help so that your mind is ready, willing and able to accept the Word of God that will bring you to know true love for yourself and others.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Reflection on the Last Twelve Years

2/10/2019

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As I prepare to have surgery #14 on February 12, 2019, I begin to reflect over the last twelve years of my life.  It has been a time filled with surgeries, recovery, life changes, and transformation.  During this time, I have learned many valuable life lessons.  Many of those lessons were cliché’s that I heard before, but now they take on a new meaning.  Here are 12 things that I have come to realize over my last 12 years.

1.  God IS in control. This is a common response to many people who are going through troubled times, and trials of life. I never really had a full understanding of it until I entered my own suffering. I have found that it is not just enough to believe that God’s in control, but to trust God is in control. In order to trust, we must be willing to fully surrender ALL aspects of our life to Him. As humans, we have a tendency to surrender 99%, but we want to hold on to that remaining 1%. It is in releasing that 1% that we step over the threshold of the believing to trusting. In order to understand this, I use the analogy that all human beings have the same genetic makeup in 99% of their body; the remaining 1% is what makes us unique and different. If that 1% is what makes each of us an individual, then how important is that 1% of our life which we hold onto instead of surrendering to Christ. In surrendering that final 1%, we are handing over to Christ, all things that make us unique and individual. We must understand how important it is to surrender 100% of who we are to Christ in order to learn how to trust. During my past 12 years, I have moved from the believing to trusting, and knowing that God is in control of my life, no matter what I am going through or will go through.
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

2.  We MUST live in God’s will. In order to understand this point, I will use the phrase “we were born on purpose, with a purpose.” Until you believe in this phrase and understand it in relation to God’s Word, you will not be able to live in God’s will. I have found that until we study His Word, in order to understand who, He is, and what our role is as followers of Christ, it is impossible to live in His will. I had always lived with the understanding that I controlled my own destiny. This is one of the many lies that our world teaches us. We do not control our destiny; God controls it when we live in His will. When we live out of His will, we pursue the treasures of this world instead of storing our treasures in heaven. When we are living out of His will, we are living in the ways of the world which lead to death. When we are living in His will, our life becomes more manageable, clearer, and fruitful. It does not become easier nor free of suffering/trials. Under His will, we find our purpose in life and understand that our destiny is not of this world, but of the afterlife when we reach heaven.
“And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.” (1 John 2:17)

3.  Your IDENTITY is in Christ – not your job. Out of the many things I have learned, this is the one that hit me the hardest. I had fallen into the trap that your job and prestige is how you defined yourself. It worked well for many years, but when I lost my job of 27 years, I found myself questioning who I was. Only when we tie our identity to Christ are we able to live life to the fullest, and understand what our true potential is. When our identity is tied to Christ, He will never leave us nor forsake us. Our life continues regardless of what happens. It is in our identity in Christ where we find comfort, direction, stability, and freedom. We will never find fulfillment when our identity is tied to things of this world.
“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)

4.  You ARE God’s masterpiece. This is another lesson which was difficult for me. Many people that I work with deal with low self-esteem or self-worth. Once we understand that we are God’s masterpiece, we are able to look upon ourselves through a different lens. Upon our acceptance of Christ and repentance of sins, God cleaned our old canvas of life, and begin to create a new painting. At times, He will let his brush rest and not attend to his masterpiece, but that does not mean He has forgotten us. He may also use dark colors to represent the dark times in our life and use bright colors representing the good times. But we must remember He is not done with us yet. It is not until we join him in heaven that our masterpiece is complete. We must be patient as God works on this wonderful painting that is us.
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:10)

5.  You CAN’T take it with, but you can store treasures in heaven. I think we’ve all heard throughout our lives the expression “you can’t take it with you.” Another expression I think of is “it is the simple things of life that have the most meaning.” A lesson I learned was both of these phrases are correct. When we buy into the worldview that we need more “stuff”, we are rejecting what is important and not contributing to the Kingdom of God. Our money is spent to buy pleasure in order to find peace and relaxation while dealing with the stresses of this world. I found that this does not bring you the peace and relaxation you desire, but often brings more trouble. When we take our focus off of what we can attain in this world, and change it to building our treasures in heaven, our life becomes more meaningful and purpose filled. We will not be able to take anything from this world when we step in to heaven, but we can contribute to our treasures while living in this world so when we step into the afterlife we will have the many treasures we earned through our earthly life.
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-21)

6.  LOVE your neighbor as yourself. As our world continues to become one of divisiveness and violence, it becomes more difficult to follow this command. When we look at our neighbor and feel hatred, envy, contempt, and indifference, we lose sight that all of us were created by God to become children of God. Emotions such as hatred, envy, contempt, and indifference can consume our souls to the point there is no love to share for others. When we learn to look at our neighbors as children of God, created by God, and fallen sinners in need of grace, only then are we able to love them as the creation they are. The inability to love our neighbor as ourselves leads to an unhappy life that will never be fulfilled. This is so important that Jesus made it the second greatest command behind loving God with all of our mine body and soul as the greatest command. When you love your neighbor as yourself, you will gain the compassion that Jesus had when he walked amongst the sinners and was able to share the gospel with each one of them.
“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:36-40)

7.  Home is where your heart is; not a physical place. This lesson was probably the easiest for me. I have moved 20 times during the 55 years of my life. I learned early in my life that it is not the house that makes home, but the people who live in it. I am often questioned by those who have not moved during their life how it has affected me. I believe the effects have been the understanding that our home on earth is a temporary one. As Christians, our true home is in heaven. If we look to build our life to be “heaven on earth,” then the prospects of the true heaven are not as inviting. I long for the day when I reach heaven and will no longer be the rolling stone that I am. As Christians we are told that we are strangers and exiles in this world and as such should not feel at home. It is our longing for heaven that helps to put our lives in perspective, what is important, and why we should feel like strangers in this world in which we live.
“These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.” (Hebrews 11:13-16)

8.  You CANNOT put a price on peace of mind. Many people are constantly searching for something that will give them peace of mind. They will go to the extent of spending large amounts of money on the quick fixes of life, the get rich quick schemes, taking lavish vacations, and filling their lives with material possessions which they feel will help them find relaxation and peace. I have been guilty of all of the above, but was never able to find my inner peace. There was always something else that was available through the world promising me peace that I was willing to spend money to get. I came to the realization once I found my identity in Christ, that I was God’s masterpiece; that it was futile to store treasures on earth, because my home was in heaven. This allowed me to be able to find peace while living in this world. When the focus of our life is on God, and the decisions we make are based on God’s Word, He will bring a peace to our soul to help us accommodate the trials/sufferings of this world in order for us to make it to the next. It is only with God that one can bring true peace with in one’s soul. I have found such a godly peace and no longer desire many tempting things of this world that promise peace. With this peace comes a freedom from the worldly pressures and demands because we know that God is in control and any suffering in this life will be put to rest in our afterlife.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. (John 14:27)

9.  Your children need YOU, not stuff. In the busyness of our world there has been a shift of what parents think children need. In an effort to keep them busy, many parents have bought into the lie that children need the latest gadgets, the trendiest clothes, and the coolest car. In my work with children and adolescents, I have found the exact opposite. When speaking with children and adolescents, the number one thing they desire is for their parents to spend time with them. This time is not as the old adage stated which was “quality was better than quantity.” It is actually quantity that children desire over quality. When quality is our goal, we tend to fill the time with much activity that takes away from the ability to form a strong relational bond with the child. When we focus on quantity, we are able to establish that relational bond without filling their lives to the point they have no downtime to learn how to reflect on life, occupy themselves when bored, and be creative in their thinking. This lesson hit me when my youngest son offered to sell his ATV which was given as a birthday gift just a few weeks before I found out that my health conditions would inhibit my ability to work. His comment was that he would much rather spend time with me then have is ATV. In his mind, the money spent on the ATV could go to the impending bills we would have, to treat my condition while allowing me to spend of quantity time with him, which was worth more to him than the new ATV. I knew then that I had neglected my older children with the time they needed to build a solid relationship with me. I cannot change the past, but I can commit to the future to where I’m available when needed, and will spend quantity of time I can with my grandchildren. Money does not buy a solid relationship with your children; it only contributes to entitlement.
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

10.  DO NOT raise good children; raise good adults. This is another issue that has become prevalent in our world today. As society looks to change the age of adulthood from 18 to anywhere from 21 to 28, we have created a generation of children who have not experienced the difficulties of life, the consequences of life, and how to work through the challenges of life. As parents, we have jumped in every time our child struggled and made it right by them. We are so intent on protecting our children, that we are not doing as God called by teaching them how to protect themselves. Many parents will define themselves by saying “my child is my entire life.” When we have this attitude, we are doing our children a disservice. When our children are our entire life, we inhibit their ability to grow into an adult and be responsible for themselves. The other issue with children being our “whole life” is we deny them the ability to find their purpose in life and God’s intent for their life. I have worked with many parents who have lost their identity once the children have left the home for good. In some cases this often leads to divorce because the mother and father have lost their identity once their child moves out on his own. They often find they no longer know each other because for the past 20 years they dedicated their life to their child. When a child is raised with responsibilities, and allowed to suffer the consequences of poor decisions, they will mature more quickly and understand that life is difficult and that difficulty depends on the decisions they make. There are many in the age range of 21 to 28 that still show the actions and maturity of a child. In those cases, when I look at the parents I can see where the problem lies. As long as we continue to treat our adult children as children, the longer they will behave as children. In order to be an effective parent, we must grow our children with responsibility and consequences so that when they turned the age of 18, they will understand what being an adult means and welcome being treated as an adult by their parents. It is a wonderful relationship when you learn to adjust from being the adult of a child to be an adult of your responsible child who is now an adult.
My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights. (Proverbs 3:11-12)

11.  My problems are mine, not yours. As I began dealing with issues of my health, I learned that many people attempt to transfer their issues/problems on to someone else. In the psychological world, it is called transference or projection when a client attempts to draw the counselor in two feeling sorry for them. I have met many people over the years who will automatically share all their problems with a stranger in order to justify their lack of ability. They have formed their identity in their illness which inhibits their ability to live a purpose filled life as we are called to do. When it comes to our purpose in life, God did not put disqualifiers in that description. God does not change our call in life even though we may have encountered difficulties or barricades. The calling/purpose that was given to us by God remains the same until we enter into heaven. When we allow difficulties to persuade us that we can no longer follow his purpose/will, then we have bought into the lies of this world, that our self-worth is based on our ability to succeed in wealth and prestige. God’s will/purpose for our life never changes nor should our drive to fulfill that mission. I have learned that regardless of the amount of pain I deal with or the ability to physically function, I am still called by God to fulfill the purpose that He brought me into the world to do. It is my responsibility to find a new way of fulfilling that purpose if I am physically limited due to conditions I incur. Even with disabilities, we can find new ways to fulfill the purpose of God’s calling. This is not a time to throw up the surrender flag and hide ourselves away from the rest of the world. It is a time of reflection and self-evaluation in order to strengthen our desire, to maintain our identity in Christ, and to fulfill the purpose that we were created to do. God will always create a way for us to live within his will.
He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.
(2 Corinthians 5:15)

12.  Your past does not define you; your actions today do.  We all have a past.  A past where we have made good decisions and bad decisions. The life we are living today is a reflection of those decisions. There are people who will continue to look back at their past and try to pull it along with them as a reason for why they do what they do. But when we hang on to the past as justification for our actions, it is not the past – it is the present. One of the most important things I have learned over this past year is when God blesses us with another day of life, we have two choices. We can continue to drag our past around with us, playing the victim to life circumstances, or we can realize the blessing of new day, change our course of direction and become a victor over our past. With each new day, we have the opportunity to choose a path that will lead us to a better life, but we cannot do that as long as our focus in on our past and who we were. Our focus is forward looking, and our focal point should be on Christ. As a man plows a field, he will have a focal point to keep his rows straight. If he does not, his field will be in disarray, and the upkeep and harvest will be a mess. The same happens with our life. When our focus is not on Christ, when we continually look back, and we create more havoc for our life. One of my favorite Scriptures is Luke 9:62 because it reminds us where our focus should be. Appreciate the opportunity for another day of life, and choose to change your course from focusing on the past to focusing the future, which is Christ.
But Jesus told him, “Anyone who puts a hand to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:62)

I can only hope and pray that the next 12 years will be as transformational as the past. As I draw closer to God, and learn more about his plans for me, I find reassurance that no matter what happens to my physical body, God will always be there directing the path for me to go until the day I see Him in heaven.

* This blog was originally written in March of 2018, but after going through 3 more surgeries in this past year, I felt the need to update and add the last section. Many people are trapped in their past and do not realize they have a new life in Jesus Christ
 
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Reflection on the Last Eleven Years

3/3/2018

1 Comment

 
Reflection on the Last Eleven Years

As I prepare to have surgery #12 on March 5, 2018, I begin to reflect over the last eleven years of my life.  It has been a time filled with surgeries, recovery, life changes, and transformation.  During this time, I have learned many valuable life lessons.  Many of those lessons were cliché’s that I heard before, but now they take on a new meaning.  Here are 11 things that I have come to realize over my last 11 years.
  • God IS in control. This is a common response to many people who are going through troubled times, and trials of life. I never really had a full understanding of it until I entered my own suffering. I have found that it is not just enough to believe that God’s in control, but to trust God is in control. In order to trust, we must be willing to fully surrender ALL aspects of our life to Him. As humans, we have a tendency to surrender 99%, but we want to hold on to that remaining 1%. It is in releasing that 1% that we step over the threshold of the believing to trusting. In order to understand this, I use the analogy that all human beings have the same genetic makeup in 99% of their body; the remaining 1% is what makes us unique and different. If that 1% is what makes each of us an individual, then how important is that 1% of our life which we hold onto instead of surrendering to Christ. In surrendering that final 1%, we are handing over to Christ, all things that make us unique and individual. We must understand how important it is to surrender 100% of who we are to Christ in order to learn how to trust. During my past 11 years, I have moved from the believing to trusting, and knowing that God is in control of my life, no matter what I am going through or will go through.
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

  • We MUST live in God’s will. In order to understand this point, I will use the phrase “we were born on purpose, with a purpose.” Until you believe in this phrase and understand it in relation to God’s Word, you will not be able to live in God’s will. I have found that until we study His Word, in order to understand who He is, and what our role is as followers of Christ, it is impossible to live in his will. I had always lived with the understanding that I controlled my own destiny. This is one of the many lies that our world teaches us. We do not control our destiny; God controls it when we live in his will. When we live out of his will, we pursue the treasures of this world instead of storing our treasures in heaven. When we are living out of his will, we are living in the ways of the world which lead to death. When we are living in his will, our life becomes more manageable, clearer, and fruitful. It does not become easier nor free of suffering/trials. Under his will, we find our purpose in life and understand that our destiny is not of this world, but of the afterlife when we reach heaven.

“And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.” (1 John 2:17)

  • Your IDENTITY is in Christ – not your job. Out of the many things I have learned, this is the one that hit me the hardest. I had fallen into the trap that your job and prestige is how you defined yourself. It worked well for many years, but when I lost my job of 27 years, I found myself questioning who I was. Only when we tie our identity to Christ are we able to live life to the fullest, and understand what our true potential is. When our identity is tied to Christ, He will never leave us nor forsake us. Our life continues regardless of what happens. It is in our identity in Christ where we find comfort, direction, stability, and freedom. We will never find fulfillment when our identity is tied to things of this world.
“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)

  • You ARE God’s masterpiece. This is another lesson which was difficult for me. Many people that I work with deal with low self-esteem or self-worth. Once we understand that we are God’s masterpiece, we are able to look upon ourselves through a different lens. Upon our acceptance of Christ and repentance of sins, God cleaned our old canvas of life, and begin to create a new painting. At times, He will let his brush rest and not attend to his masterpiece, but that does not mean He has forgotten us. He may also use dark colors to represent the dark times in our life and use bright colors representing the good times. But we must remember He is not done with us yet. It is not until we join him in heaven that our masterpiece is complete. We must be patient as God works on this wonderful painting that is us.
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:10)

  • You CAN’T take it with, but you can store treasures in heaven. I think we’ve all heard throughout our lives the expression “you can’t take it with you.” Another expression I think of is “it is the simple things of life that have the most meaning.” A lesson I learned was both of these phrases are correct. When we buy into the worldview that we need more “stuff”, we are rejecting what is important and contributing to the Kingdom of God. Our money is spent to buy pleasure in order to find peace and relaxation while dealing with the stresses of this world. I found that this does not bring you the peace and relaxation you desire, but often brings more trouble. When we take our focus off of what we can attain in this world, and change it to building our treasures in heaven, our life becomes more meaningful and purpose filled. We will not be able to take anything from this world when we step in to heaven, but we can contribute to our treasures while living in this world so when we step into the afterlife we will have the many treasures we earned through our earthly life.
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-21)

  • LOVE your neighbor as yourself. As our world continues to become one of divisiveness and violence, it becomes more difficult to follow this command. When we look at our neighbor and feel hatred, envy, contempt, and indifference, we lose sight that all of us were created by God to become children of God. Emotions such as hatred, envy, contempt, and indifference can consume our souls to the point there is no love to share for others. When we learn to look at our neighbors as children of God, created by God, and fallen sinners in need of grace, only then are we able to love them as the creation they are. The inability to love our neighbor as ourselves leads to an unhappy life that will never be fulfilled. This is so important that Jesus made it the second greatest command behind loving God with all of our mine body and soul as the greatest command. When you love your neighbor as yourself, you will gain the compassion that Jesus had when he walked amongst the sinners and was able to share the gospel with each one of them.
“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:36-40)

  • Home is where your heart is; not a physical place. This lesson was probably the easiest for me. I have moved 20 times during the 54 years of my life. I learned early in my life that it is not the house that makes home, but the people who live in it. I am often questioned by those who have not moved during their life how it has affected me. I believe the effects have been the understanding that our home on earth is a temporary one. As Christians, our true home is in heaven. If we look to build our life to be “heaven on earth,” then the prospects of the true heaven are not as inviting. I long for the day when I reach heaven and will no longer be the rolling stone that I am. As Christians we are told that we are strangers and exiles in this world and as such should not feel at home. It is our longing for heaven that helps to put our lives in perspective, what is important, and why we should feel like strangers in this world in which we live.
“These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.” (Hebrews 11:13-16)

  • You CANNOT put a price on peace of mind. Many people are constantly searching for something that will give them peace of mind. They will go to the extent of spending large amounts of money on the quick fixes of life, the get rich quick schemes, taking lavish vacations, and filling their lives with material possessions which they feel will help them find relaxation and peace. I have been guilty of all of the above, but was never able to find my inner peace. There was always something else that was available through the world promising me peace that I was willing to spend money to get. It was my realization once I found my identity in Christ, that I was God’s masterpiece, that it was futile to store treasures on earth, and my home was in heaven, that I was able to find peace. When the focus of our life is on God, and the decisions we make are based on God’s Word, He will bring a peace to our soul to help us accommodate the trials/sufferings of this world in order for us to make it to the next. It is only with God that one can bring true peace with in one’s soul. I have found that peace and no longer desire many tempting things of this world that promise peace. With this peace comes a freedom from the worldly pressures and demands because we know that God is in control and any suffering in this life will be put to rest in our afterlife.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. (John 14:27)

  • Your children need YOU, not stuff. In the busyness of our world there has been a shift of what parents think children need. In an effort to keep them busy, many parents have bought into the lie that children need the latest gadgets, the trendiest clothes, and the coolest car. In my work with children and adolescents, I have found the exact opposite. When speaking with children and adolescents, the number one thing they desire is for their parents to spend time with them. This time is not as the old adage stated which was “quality was better than quantity.” It is actually quantity that children desire over quality. When quality is our goal, we tend to fill the time with much activity that takes away from the ability to form a strong relational bond with the child. When we focus on quantity, we are able to establish that relational bond without filling their lives to the point they have no downtime to learn how to reflect on life, occupy themselves when bored, and be creative in their thinking. This lesson hit me when my youngest son offered to sell his ATV which was given as a birthday gift just a few weeks before I found out that my health conditions would inhibit my ability to work. His comment was that he would much rather spend time with me then have is ATV. In his mind, the money spent on the ATV could go to the impending bills we would have to treat my condition while allowing me to spend of quantity time with him, which was worth more to him than the new ATV. I knew then that I had neglected my older children with the time they needed to build a solid relationship with me. I cannot change the past, but I can commit to the future to where I’m available when needed, and will spend quantity of time I can with my grandchildren. Money does not buy a solid relationship with your children; it only contributes to entitlement.
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

  • DO NOT raise good children; raise good adults. This is another issue that has become prevalent in our world today. As society looks to change the age of adulthood from 18 to anywhere from 21 to 28, we have created a generation of children who have not experienced the difficulties of life, the consequences of life, and how to work through the challenges of life. As parents, we have jumped in every time our child struggled and made it right by them. We are so intent on protecting our children, that we are not doing as called by teaching them how to protect themselves. Many parents will define themselves by saying “my child is my entire life.” When we have this attitude, we are doing our children a disservice. When our children are our entire life, we inhibit their ability to grow into an adult and be responsible for themselves. The other issue with children being our “whole life” is we deny them the ability to find their purpose in life and God’s intent for their life. I have worked with many parents who have lost their identity once the children have left the home for good. In some cases this often leads to divorce because the mother and father have lost their identity once their child moves out on his own. They often find they no longer know each other because for the past 20 years they dedicated their life to their child. When a child is raised with responsibilities, and allowed to suffer the consequences of poor decisions, they will mature more quickly and understand that life is difficult and that difficulty depends on the decisions they make. There are many in the age range of 21 to 28 that still show the actions and maturity of a child. In those cases, when I look at the parents I can see where the problem lies. As long as we continue to treat our adult children as children, the longer they will behave as children. In order to be an effective parent, we must grow our children with responsibility and consequences so that when they turned the age of 18, they will understand what being an adult means and welcome being treated as an adult by their parents. It is a wonderful relationship when you learn to adjust from being the adult of a child to be an adult of your responsible child who is now an adult.
My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights. (Proverbs 3:11-12)

  • My problems are mine, not yours. As I began dealing with issues of my health, I learned that many people attempt to transfer their issues/problems on to someone else. In the psychological world, it is called transference or projection when a client attempts to draw the counselor in two feeling sorry for them. I have met many people over the years who will automatically share all their problems with a stranger in order to justify their lack of ability. They have formed their identity in their illness which inhibits their ability to live a purpose filled life as we are called to do. When it comes to our purpose in life, God did not put disqualifiers in that description. God does not change our call in life even though we may have encountered difficulties or barricades. The calling/purpose that was given to us by God remains the same until we enter into heaven. When we allow difficulties to persuade us that we can no longer follow his purpose/will, then we have bought into the lies of this world, that our self-worth is based on our ability to succeed in wealth and prestige. God’s will/purpose for our life never changes nor should our drive to fulfill that mission. I have learned that regardless of the amount of pain I deal with or the ability to physically function, I am still called by God to fulfill the purpose that He brought me into the world to do. It is my responsibility to find a new way of fulfilling that purpose if I am physically limited due to conditions I incur. Even with disabilities, we can find new ways to fulfill the purpose of God’s calling. This is not a time to throw up the surrender flag and hide ourselves away from the rest of the world. It is a time of reflection and self-evaluation in order to strengthen our desire, to maintain our identity in Christ, and to fulfill the purpose that we were created to do. God will always create a way for us to live within his will.
He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.
(2 Corinthians 5:15)

I can only hope and pray that the next 11 years will be as transformational as the past. As I draw closer to God, and learn more about his plans for me, I find reassurance that no matter what happens to my physical body, God will always be there directing the path for me to go until the day I see Him in heaven.
 
 

1 Comment

Prayer:  What holds us back and what moves us forward

3/18/2017

0 Comments

 
A common topic that I discuss with clients is their prayer life.  Prayer is something that I have struggled with over the years, and found that many other people struggle with it as well.  I am currently reading The Battle Plan for Prayer by Stephen and Alex Kendrick, and they list 10 things that lock us out of effective prayer, and then the 10 keys that open ourselves to effective prayer.  I thought I would share that in this blog to help those who struggle with their prayer life, and hopefully help them to build better relationships with Christ.

The Locks and Keys of Prayer
Over the years, we've categorized twenty of these biblical principles into what we call the "Locks and Keys" of prayer. Ten of them are principles that bog down our praying and restrict its freedom and effectiveness. The other ten, however, give prayer a burst of second wind and third wind, pushing it beyond all limits. We'll look at the ten locks of prayer first.
10 Locks of Prayer
  1. Praying without knowing God through Jesus, Prayer is obviously a fairly universal response when a person is under heavy attack. How many interior hallway closets have turned into prayer closets when a tornado is bearing down!' God, of course, can answer any request He chooses from any person who asks. But when it comes to knowing God as Father and walking with Him in answered prayer, Jesus said, I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me (John 14:6). Just as people who don't share much common ground in their relationship have a hard time keeping conversation going, those who haven't believed in God for the forgiveness of their sins cannot expect God to feel obligated to respond.
  2. Praying from an unrepentant heart. The Bible says God "knows what we are made of, remembering that we are dust" (Ps. 103:14 HCSB). He's not surprised by our struggle to remain steadfast. But He also looks at our hearts, and He knows when we are "broken" by our sin (Ps. 51:17). The trouble comes, however, when our hearts aren't broken at all—when we're cold and indifferent toward His Word and our transgressions of it. As the writer of Psalm 66 said, "If 1 had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened" (v. 18 NV). When we cling to our sin and stiff-arm God, then He Will stiff-arm our prayers until we are willing to repent. If we're determined to be the one who calls the shots in our lives, we shoot ourselves in the foot as far as our prayer is concerned.
  3. Praying for show. People who pray merely to impress others had better enjoy those people's "amens" and compliments while they last. Because according to Jesus, that's the full extent of the reward. "When you pray," He said, "you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full" (Matt. 6:5). Public prayers that have not been seasoned by private prayers are hardly worth the hot air required to speak them. Always remember, even when you're leading others in prayer, you're still addressing an audience of One.
  4. Praying repetitive, empty words. Prayer can take a lot of forms. It can be spoken off the cuff. It can be written out and read word for word. It can be so deep and heartfelt that it only comes out as single syllables. One thing that makes our praying land with a thud of wasted words is when we're talking and talking but aren't even listening to what we're saying. Jesus said, "When you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they sup-pose that they will be heard for their many words. So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him" (Matt. 6:7-8). Sure, there's discipline and duty behind prayer. We don't always feel like praying, even when we do it. But we all know when we've let prayer devolve into nothing but canned, thoughtless, mindless words. And no one— not even God—likes to be on the receiving end of that kind of thoughtless conversation.
  5. Prayers not prayed. Surely the most ineffective prayers of all are those we never even take the time to pray. As James said, "You do not have because you do not ask" (James 4:2). How many times do we just motor past Him, never braking for directions or advice, too busy and in too much of a hurry to stop and seek His counsel? We meant to pray. We thought about it. But we were never able to work it into our schedule. Therefore, we should not expect an unprayed prayer to receive anything other than unsatisfying silence.
  6. Praying with a lustful heart. Some of us never outgrow our tendency to ask God for things we want only because we think they'll be our source of happiness rather than Him. "You ask and do not receive," James said, "because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures" (James 4:3). If lust, greed, bitterness, or pride are motivations for requesting something, then God will not be pleased to respond. Like a wise parent with a pushy child, God knows what to give us for our good . . . and what not to give us for our good as well. But if we love Him most, then He takes delight in giving us good things we desire. Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart."
  7. Praying while mistreating your spouse. When we're not treating with love and respect the one person in our life whom we've vowed to treat with love and respect, God makes special mention of it as an inhibitor to prayer. His warning is primarily to men: "Husbands . . . live with your wives in an understanding way . . . and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered" (1 Pet. 3:7). But the same principle obviously cuts both ways. How can we expect to be at peace with God in prayer when we are sowing disunity in our own homes? Being ugly to our wives (or husbands) is a backbreaker in prayer.
  8. Praying while ignoring the poor. Scripture is replete with the compassion of God for the poor, the needy, the helpless victim, the voiceless, and those who suffer persecution and injustice. When you show compassion to those in need, God shows favor on your requests. But the opposite is true as well. "He who shuts his ear to the cry of the poor will also cry himself and not be answered" (Prov. 21:13). If you snub the poor and destitute as if they're less than human, an eyesore—or just completely invisible—expect to feel blockage in your experience of prayer. Needy sinners like ourselves shouldn't feel more deserving of the Father's care and notice than the needy around us.
  9. Praying with bitterness in your heart toward someone. It is sinful to receive God's forgiveness, totally undeserved, and then consider ourselves exempt from the command and responsibility of forgiving others who've offended us. "Whenever you stand praying," Jesus said, "forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions" (Mark 11:25-26). Bitterness is a toxin that not only poisons us spiritually, mentally, even physically, but also poisons the effectiveness of prayer and the full experience of our relationship with God.
  10. Praying with a faithless heart. One final barrier to prayer is the basic prerequisite of belief. Hebrews 11:6 says, "Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." Whenever we don't trust someone and are convinced they don't have the capability or willingness to do what they say, a breach clouds that relationship. The same thing happens when we don't believe God can help us with what we need. We should "ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways" (James 1:6-8). Lukewarm belief is the weakest form of praying. Doubt locks us out of our own prayer closets.
10 Keys of Prayer
  1. Praying persistently by asking, seeking, and knocking. We're accustomed to busy people who don't have time to be interrupted. Unless, that is, the important person we're wanting to see is someone who truly loves and cares for us, which is exactly what happens in prayer. Based on this relationship—Father to child—that's why we're told to "keep asking, and it will be given to you. Keep searching, and you will find. Keep knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who searches finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened" (Matt. 7:7-8 hcsb). One of the most astonishing keys of effective prayer is to not hold back in our asking—and to keep asking, persistently, day after day. He will answer when the time is right. But we will know it's Him who's giving if we haven't given up in asking.
  2. Praying in faith. People who don't think they'll get what they pray for will likely not get what they pray for. But it's not supposed to be this way . . . God is pleased with faith. Jesus praised those who asked in faith. To fully trust Him and His Word appeals to the heart of God. Jesus said, "I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you" (Mark 11:24). Certainly we know prayer is not a magic genie lamp. But because it's based on loving relationship—the more God's Spirit communicates His will to us—we can more clearly come to know what He's wanting to give us. To know where He's wanting to take us. So we can pray with full belief that He can and will bring it to pass. That's praying in faith. And that's praying with effectiveness.
  3. Praying in secret. Jesus said in Matthew 6:6, "But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you." One of the bedrock principles of Christian living is that "whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life" (Gal. 6:7-8). To pray for show is sowing to the flesh, but to pray in secret is to approach God with greater focus and humility. For He is in the secret place with us.
  4. Praying according to God's will. Our natural tendency is to think of God's will as hidden and mysterious. However, that's not what the Bible says. By presenting ourselves to God and not being "conformed to this age," by being "transformed" with a renewed mind, we can "discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God" (Rom. 12:1-2 HCSB). So prayer waits on God to show us where He's ready for us to go (or not go). And once we sense it, "this is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him" (1 John 5:14-15). When we genuinely desire the knowledge of His will—and are committed to following it once we know it—He will inspire us with a new level of assurance in prayer.
  5. Praying in Jesus' name. Those words—"in Jesus' name"—are not just the "Sincerely Yours" at the close of our prayer. Not just the "send" button. They are reflective of an unselfish, God-honoring heartbeat within ourselves. They are a statement of both worship and admitted need. They honor His power and authority while celebrating Hi* willingness to apply them to our lives. "Whatever you ask in My name," He tells us, "that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it" (John 14:13-14). Praying in His name means to pray as He would. To pray from within our relationship with Him. We don't approach God based on our authority, our righteousness, or what we've done, but based upon Christ's and what He's done.
  6. Praying in agreement with other believers. To really zoom your prayer experiences off the charts, develop the regular habit of praying with other believers. Jesus told His disciples, "If two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst" (Matt. 18:19-20). To agree means to make a harmonious symphony. Praying in unity with one another, asking for the same thing with one heart and mind, pleases God. He loves and honors the synergy that occurs when we gather with others to pray. We should pray with a ready "Yes" and "Amen" in our hearts as others pray. Approaching our Father together. Both formally and informally. Scheduled and impromptu. The power and beauty of united prayer is a gift we too often leave untouched and unopened. Who can you begin praying with? Start with the people in your family. Consider praying together often for every need.
  7. Praying while fasting. Another overlooked key is the dedicated discipline of fasting—going without food (or some other sort of daily need) in order to focus more fully on the Lord for a concentrated period. Jesus fasted and prayed. Esther fasted and prayed. Nehemiah fasted and prayed. Acts 14:23 describes how Paul and Barnabas, in their ministry travels, would appoint elders in the various churches they were planting. Choosing the right leadership was vital. So they didn't just hold a meeting to work on their plans. They "prayed with fasting." Fasting opens up your spirit to God when you would otherwise be feeding your flesh. It clears the air of distraction. It puts seeking Hirn above all your appetites.
  8. Praying from an obedient life. "If our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do the things that are pleasing in His sight" (1 John 3:21-22). An obedient child gains great favor and freedom with his or her parent. The intimacy you desire with God travels through the connective bond of your obedience to Him. When praying from an obedient heart, we can freely make requests without shame. Working with Him instead of working against Him.
  9. Praying while abiding in Christ and His Word. Jesus said, "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you' (John 15:7). Abiding means staying in close fellowship with someone. It involves spending time in God's Word, allowing it to fill our hearts and guide our thinking, walking in obedience to what He tells us to do (John 15:10), receiving God's love, then pouring it back out on Him and the people around US. (John 15:9, 12). Lastly, abiding means staying clean before God (John 15:3; 1 John 1:9) by not allowing "ungodliness" or sin to build up or go unconfessed. It is within this context that our prayer lives are opened up into a fresh vibrancy, fruitfulness, and effectiveness before God (John 15:5). John 15:7 implies that abiding in this way opens up our prayers to also ask for good things that our hearts desire.
  10. Praying while delighting in the Lord. When God becomes your greatest delight and first love above all else, then you are in a position for Him to bless you with your heart's desires. Only in receiving His salvation—replacing our hostility for righteousness with the purity of His own righteousness—do we become able to truly love Him. And in loving Him, we desire to obey Him (John 14:15), until we actually begin delighting in Him. "Delight yourself in the Lord," the Bible says, "and He will give you the desires of your heart" (Ps. 37:4). The Hebrew word for "desires" is the word for petitions. When your delight is in Him and in honoring His desires, then He takes delight in you and in honoring yours.


Kendrick, Stephen, and Alex Kendrick. The Battle Plan for Prayer. Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing, 2015.

 
 
 
 

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An Evaluation of a Christian:  Where do you Stand?

12/12/2016

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The book of 1 John describes how we can evaluate the real condition of our lives.  Deception is a powerful force, and Satan is the master deceiver who has caused many to fall under his influence.  As Christians, we are saved by grace, and we are expected to live in a new way – in relation to God and to each other.  Read the following Scriptures, and examine your life as we are in this holiday season.  Has your life been transformed by the Holy Spirit, or are you still living the life you did before accepting Christ?
  1.  This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all.  (1 John 1:5)
  2. So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. (1 John 1:6)
  3. And we can be sure that we know him if we obey his commandments.  If someone claims, “I know God,” but doesn’t obey God’s commandments, that person is a liar and is not living in the truth. (1 John 2:3-4)
  4. This is the message you have heard from the beginning: We should love one another.     (1 John 3:11)  But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees with his reply, they met together to question him again.  One of them, an expert in religious law, tried to trap him with this question:  “Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the Law of Moses? “Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”
  5.  If anyone claims, “I am living in the light,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is still living in darkness.  Anyone who loves a fellow believer is living in the light and does not cause others to stumble. But anyone who hates a fellow believer is still living and walking in darkness. Such a person does not know the way to go, having been blinded by the darkness.
  6. Dear children, don’t let anyone deceive you about this: When people do what is right, it shows that they are righteous, even as Christ is righteous. But when people keep on sinning, it shows that they belong to the devil, who has been sinning since the beginning. But the Son of God came to destroy the works of the devil. Those who have been born into God’s family do not make a practice of sinning, because God’s life is in them. So they can’t keep on sinning, because they are children of God.  So now we can tell who are children of God and who are children of the devil. Anyone who does not live righteously and does not love other believers does not belong to God.
  7.  If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?
These Scriptures may seem harsh to us, but if we embrace the truth, we will be transformed.  Jesus’ death on the cross paid the price for our sin.  His resurrection broke the power of sin and death.  In light of the power of the cross and resurrection, why would we to accept a gospel that does not transform our lives and liberate us from sin? 
As we near Christmas, and the start of a new year, reflect on these passages and ask yourself – “Am I living a new life in Christ or am I living the life I had before which is of this world?”  We must examine our life because a life unexamined is a life wasted.
 
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Reflection on Who I Am

6/23/2016

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Reflection on Who I Am

In studying and meditating on 2nd Chronicles, especially on King Solomon and the building of the Temple, I am guided by the Holy Spirit to look at my own personal life, my walk with God and then substantiate my thoughts through the words of the New Testament.  The first message I received is from 2nd Chronicles 1:3-12:

3 Solomon called together all the leaders of Israel—the generals and captains of the army, the judges, and all the political and clan leaders.  Then he led the entire assembly to the place of worship in Gibeon, for God’s Tabernacle was located there.

7 That night God appeared to Solomon and said, “What do you want? Ask, and I will give it to you!”

8 Solomon replied to God…Give me the wisdom and knowledge to lead them properly, for who could possibly govern this great people of yours?” 11 God said to Solomon, “Because your greatest desire is to help your people, and you did not ask for wealth, riches, fame, or even the death of your enemies or a long life, but rather you asked for wisdom and knowledge to properly govern my people— 12 I will certainly give you the wisdom and knowledge you requested. (NLT)

My first conviction was over my own prayer life.  How many times in my life have I prayed unselfishly as King Solomon did?  How many times have my prayers been self-centered, and not towards other?  How many times have my prayers been unanswered?  As I ponder on this, I am led to 2 Timothy 2:1

 I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them

King Solomon’s request was to have the wisdom and knowledge to govern his people, to know how to help them, to know how to lead them, and to know how to pray for them as their leader.  I need to remember that no matter how bad my life is, there are many others who are not blessed as I am.  I need to be as King Solomon was and pray for the wisdom and knowledge to know how to pray for others. 

I was also led to Ephesians 6:18

Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

I must be alert in my prayers, be filled with the Spirit and be persistent.  I must not give up just because prayers go unanswered, but reflect on my prayer and determine if it is earnest and godly.

As I continued looking at King Solomon, I am in awe and amazement at the work and detail put into the building of the Temple of God.  I am drawn to Solomon’s letter to Hiram, king of Tyre found in 2 Chronicles 2:5-6

“This must be a magnificent Temple because our God is greater than all other gods. 6 But who can really build him a worthy home? Not even the highest heavens can contain him! So who am I to consider building a Temple for him, except as a place to burn sacrifices to him?

The Temple must be magnificent!  Then Solomon shows his humility by stating “who am I” to build the Temple of God. What made Solomon special and worthy to build God a home to dwell in on earth and how could that be possible?  But Solomon built the Temple, but not a nice place, a magnificent place.  As I read through the details of the building of the Temple (also found in 1 Kings 6) I was in awe of the amount of gold, bronze, silver, the finest woods and the meticulous details that were put into the building of the Temple.  As I read this, I was reminded of where the Temple resides today. I was led to 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

Then to Ephesians 2:19-22

19 So now you Gentiles are no longer strangers and foreigners. You are citizens along with all of God’s holy people. You are members of God’s family. 20 Together, we are his house, built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets. And the cornerstone is Christ Jesus himself. 21 We are carefully joined together in him, becoming a holy temple for the Lord. 22 Through him you Gentiles are also being made part of this dwelling where God lives by his Spirit.

And further on to 1 Peter 2:4-5

4 You are coming to Christ, who is the living cornerstone of God’s temple. He was rejected by people, but he was chosen by God for great honor.
5 And you are living stones that God is building into his spiritual temple. What’s more, you are his holy priests. Through the mediation of Jesus Christ, you offer spiritual sacrifices that please God

And finally to 1 Corinthians 3:16-17

16 Don’t you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in you? 17 God will destroy anyone who destroys this temple. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.

Talk about a “wow” moment.  My body is the Temple and it is how I care for my body that reflects how I treat the Temple of God.  It is what I ingest, whether through my mouth or my mind that will care for the Temple, or destroy the Temple.  I came to the understanding that I AM God’s holy temple!  I have heard this many times over the years, but it takes a different meaning to me today as I recover from my 12th surgery and continue to anguish through the recovery of it.  As I look at my body, my spirit, my moods, my emotions, my compassion for others, I have to ask myself, “Am I reflecting the Spirit of Christ and honoring the Temple of God in all that I do in my life and to my body?”  When I stand in the mirror, do I see a reflection of a magnificent Temple like Solomon built, or do I see someone who reflects the influence of worldly living?  That was a hard one to swallow; I do not see a magnificent Temple, not one that I would call worthy of the glory of God.  What I do see is one that has been affected by this world and many scars to prove it.  Dietrich Bonhoeffer states that when a believer takes mortification (dying to the incessant desires of the flesh) seriously, “he is more clearly aware than other men of the rebelliousness and perennial pride of the flesh, he is conscious of his sloth, and self-indulgence, and knows that his arrogance must be eradicated”.  It is in our defeat that we can become more reliant on God.  When I look in the mirror, I see defeat and I now understand that it is only through honoring God’s temple by drawing closer to Him that I will go from being defeated to victorious.

This post is not for promoting shame of our bodies, but to bring awareness of how caring for our bodies is honoring God.  We must be actively fighting our own sin so that we will have more patience, understanding, and mercy towards other who are struggling with sin.  We must understand that as we work to become spiritually fit, we must also rise to train our bodies, our minds, and our spirits to become fit in order to rise above our struggles.  Some people may read this and say that I am fat shaming.  If I am, I stand in that category as I am 75lbs overweight myself, but what we must understand is the current state of your body may not show the full extent of your efforts, but it doesn’t mean the effort is not there.  Only God knows where your heart is, and whether or not you are taking care of His Temple.  This post is a personal reflection.  I have to ask myself hard questions, be in the Word of God in order to get truthful answers from Him and not ones from Satan.  Some of those answers hurt; that is called conviction my friends.  If I am going to claim to be a Christian, then I need to honor God with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind, and all my body.  That means I must look at my physical habits as well as eating habits and determine whether or not I am glorifying God’s Temple or destroying it.  I also have to ask myself, “How much am I missing out on because I have not been honoring God with my body?”  Being obese as I am, I have to ask myself “how has that affected my ability to minister to others?”  I must always remember that my body isn’t just flesh, blood, water, and organs; it is the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit.

There is hope and each day brings a multitude of ways that we can improve our temple and in doing so, become honed to be a blessing and encouragement to others.  There is no transformation more mysterious or deep than when the Holy Spirit takes up residence within and begins to shine through. We must also realize that some sins are extremely difficult to get rid of, and on some level, we will be tempted by certain personally familiar sins until the day we die.  We can rise above being enslaved by them, but we may never rise above being enticed by them.  This is why we must think through each thought carefully as you are in the process of renewing your mind and preparing for the next assault.  Don’t just accept the deceit thrown your way, but take it to Christ in order to flee from such sins that are prone to enslave us.  We must also realize that living with God’s grace gives us the strength to persevere even in the face of repeated failures.  Becoming spiritually and physically fit are two ways that we can grow in our inner and outer strength, as well as in our ability and willingness to endure hardship. It is our reliance on Christ and the Holy Spirit who dwells within us which will give us victory over our enslavement to sin and lift us out from defeat to victory.  Our body IS THE TEMPLE OF GOD and it is our calling and duty as Christians for it to be as magnificent and glorious as the Temple Solomon built because our God is worth more than we can ever give, but we can at least take care of His Temple while we are alive on this earth. My blessings to all who read this and my prayer is that this post will bring about a process of thought that will lead you to God’s Word in order to help you reflect on your own life and how you maintain the Temple of God.
 
 
 

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When Your Disability is not Visible; A Personal Story

1/14/2016

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I have considered myself to be a private person, one that does not broadcast to the world my issues or troubles.  I will often write about experiences or things that I have learned in life, but rarely do I become personal.  I have been a proponent for the disabled the majority of my life, and especially for those who suffer in silence because their disability is not seen.  In all these years, I never thought that I would end up being a person who is disabled, nor become one where their disability is not visible.  I now understand what these individuals go through as I have become one of those who suffer in silence. With social media, many have begun telling their story of the remarks made by others when they park in a handicap space, or use a handicap cart in a store.  I have been subjected to the many stares and looks, but never a comment (which may be due to my size).  I have learned to ignore it over the years and not let it bother me, because God knows what I am going through, and it is only His opinion that I worry about.  This is my personal story of what I have gone through, continue to go through, and the life I live as a normal looking individual on the outside, but one who has severe disabilities on the inside.

I am a person who has endured and survived cancer of the thyroid, throat and neck.  I went through two surgeries and four radioactive therapies to get the cancer in remission.  I also have rheumatoid arthritis, cervical spondylitis, ankylosing spondylitis, which have triggered fibromyalgia or chronic pain syndrome depending on the doctor you speak to.  The spondylitis is where the tendons and ligaments surrounding the joints in my body are calcifying, causing nerves to become impinged resulting in neuropathy throughout my body, and ultimately the nerve will die as the bones grow and cut off their pathway.  This result in loss of function of whatever body parts that particular nerve services.  I have lost function in my right hand, arm, leg, foot and it is now working its way to my left side. In order to maintain some function, I have been through 7 separate surgeries to maintain mobility over the last 8 years.

I also deal with vocal cord paralysis, where one of the nerves of my vocal cords has been rendered non-functional, leaving me with only one vocal cord to speak with.  It takes two vocal cords to make your voice work, but due to the grace of God, I have been able to maintain a soft voice, but am challenged daily to use it wisely as it is weak.  This is why I do not speak in crowded rooms or restaurants. For me to be heard, I have to yell and strain my one cord, but the sound that comes out is that of a normal voice.
I also live with a metal brace in my neck that is there to keep my neck from collapsing due to the spondylitis.  This brace causes severe limitations on my mobility and can be quite painful at times.  It is stiff, restrictive and now has bone growth on it causing mobility problems.

The tendons in my right leg from my knee to my ankle have either been replaced with cadaver tendons or re-routed in order for me to be able to continue to walk due to the spondylitis.  The spondylitis is affecting every joint within my body, and there is neither cure nor medication to stop it.  The best thing a person can do who has spondylitis is to keep moving in order to not allow the tendons to begin to calcify, but that is a chore in itself when you throw rheumatoid arthritis on top. 

I have become one of the many who suffer in silent.  Whose disabilities are not visible, but affect every function of our daily life.  For most people, sleep and bedtime are looked forward to because they are a time of rest.  For me, it is a time of pain, turmoil, and misery.  The pressure of my body lying on the bed will cause the neuropathy to appear in various parts of my body, and by morning, my body has become stiff and immovable.  If I schedule an appointment for 9:00am, this requires that I am up by 5:30am in order to begin my stretching regimen to be able to be mobile enough to make the 9:00am appointment.  If the appointment is more than 15 minutes away, I must schedule extra time to stop and get out to stretch and walk due to neuropathy setting up in the drive.  I will lose feeling in my feet and arms as I drive, so a normal one hour trip to Chattanooga for me usually takes two and half hours.  I know – I look just fine on the outside, so why do I need that handicap tag.

Living with chronic illness leads many people to depression and sense of hopelessness.  For me, it has been the opposite.  It has led me to my heavenly Father who keeps telling me, He is not done with me yet.  According to the doctors, I was supposed to be in a wheelchair by 2013 and here it is 2016 and I am still walking, but that did not come by my sitting around feeling sorry for myself.  It has taken every ounce of energy for me to fight each day, to get up, and live another day.  I use an elliptical to exercise to keep me mobile, and in front of that elliptical are my walker and wheelchair.  They are my reminder of where I once was, and where I could be if I gave up, but God did not create quitters, he created us to work, to run the race, to chase after the prize; the eternal prize of heaven.  As I counsel those who have chronic illness, I am astonished at how many have quit the race and become hopeless. God told us that our bodies are not forever and warned us not to lose heart:
           " Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the  inward man is being renewed day by day.  For our light affliction, which is but for a  moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal."
(2 Cor. 4:16-   18).
Our bodies may be deteriorating each day, but as we grow in Christ, our spirit is being renewed in the likeness of Him to become ready for our day in eternity.

As I end this story, my main point is to just remember that there are many who suffer in silence.  We do not broadcast our illness to the world.  We try to run the race daily, but sometimes we need a little help.  Remember that not everyone is trying to cheat the system, and most of  all, if you’re a Christian, remember to live as if the Holy Spirit lives in you, “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Gal. 4:22-23).  So as you go about your day, remember the words from Ephesians 4:31-32, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.  Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”  When you see that person who looks normal, but displays that handicapped tag, don’t become judge and jury, let God do that.  Just ask them how they are doing and if there is anything you can do to help them.  I know it would be a blessing to them. May God bless all who read this and may you reach out to those who suffer in silence.
 

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What Happened to Fellowship

9/11/2014

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I’m going to preface this post by saying that I him guilty at all of the things that I am writing about. This issue that I bring up is one that I have brought up many times before and will continue to bring up because it is one that continues to cause hurt in our world whether we want to acknowledge it or not. As I stated, I am just as guilty as everyone else and the issue I’m discussing is our lack of fellowship with one another.

Let me first began by explaining what I understand to be fellowship. If we look in the dictionary will find definitions such as “the condition or relation of being a fellow”, and “friendly relationship; companionship” as well as “communion, as between members of the same church”. The definition of fellowship is based off the lone definition of fellow, so let’s look at what the word “fellow” means. According to the dictionary it is “a person of small worth or no esteem” and “a person belonging to the same rank or class; equal; peer” as well as “a companion; comrade; associate”.  If we break this down, it is a relationship or companionship between persons of the same rank, equal, and possibly a companion. Understanding this basic definition of fellowship it has and is becoming lost in our culture of today. As a matter of fact, we have become such a self-absorbed society, we think of others is often only in a fleeting moment when attention has been brought to them and then we move on to something else.         

This all comes about from my experiences over the past seven years as well as discussions that I have had with many individuals who have experienced the same thing and also many that I have counseled to help them move forward from the hurt they experienced from the lack of fellowship. Much of this comes about when one becomes ill, has surgery, or is going through life circumstances that are tragic. We often look around and will hear “if you need anything, let me know” but yet we never see the individual at our door to help. One of the things that got me thinking about this again was that our preacher was stating that for these types of individuals the most important thing we can do for them is to pray. I agree, praying is the most important thing we can do for them but the second most important thing we can do is to practice fellowship with them. There are many people who can give up 15 minutes to an hour a day to call someone who is sick, to shoot them in the mail or a text, and God forbid, actually go to their house and visit with them.  Even Christ didn’t stop when asked what the most important rule was with just one rule.  He stated the most important rule was to love God with all your heart and soul and in the second was to love your neighbor as yourself. So I ask you, have you loved your neighbor as yourself? Out of all the people that you interact with and know, how many of them have you taken time out of your busy life, to stop and visit with during a time of sickness or tragedy in their lives? I have found in my seven years that this is a rarity in our culture today. We have become so busy with our own lives that we no longer fellowship with those who need it, leaving them with hurt and dissension towards others.

We have become great at excusing ourselves from the act of fellowship. Here are many of the examples of what I have heard:

·       I’ve just been so busy, I haven’t had time but I’ve been praying for you.

·       Oh, I was wondering where you had been, my life is just so busy I can’t keep up.

·       I thought about you every day and said a prayer for you.

·       I did not want to disturb you.

·       I figured you needed the rest so I would just leave you alone.

·       I didn’t think you’d really want company during this time.

Have you caught yourself thinking these thoughts or using these excuses as reasons why you have not taken the time out of your day to fellowship with one who is in need?  Many people do not visit because they are uncomfortable dealing with such situations, but are we not call by God to comfort each other as he has comforted us. It is kind of hard to comfort someone if you do not acknowledge their pain until they are able to come back into the pathway of your busy life. This is one of the main reasons I started Gracie Is Yours, the ministry that reaches out to those that are hurting and are alone, who are in need of fellowship. I can only speak for myself when I say that during my times of pain, what I have longed for is the human connection and fellowship. The touch of another human being has healing power and can do more for that individual then one can ever imagine. As for myself, I am very thankful over these past three weeks of my healing for a couple in my neighborhood that had visited me almost daily, to bring me lunch, and fellowship. Mr. and Mrs. Bright have been a shining example of what it is to fellowship with someone who is hurting. Of course, Mr. and Mrs. Bright are part of the older population that understood the importance of fellowship, because in their day and time, that was what you did. How great it would be if we would each take just one person that we know is struggling today, and go visit that person, or call them to see how they are doing? We often talk about how can we impact the kingdom of heaven; my friends, this is one of the ways you impact the kingdom of heaven. So, my challenge is to you and myself, out of the list of names of people you hear that are going through life situations, take time out of your life to fellowship with them and comfort them in their pain as God has comforted you.You are blessed my dear friends – share those blessing with others.

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The Championship Ring

1/5/2013

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  It is that time of year when I start going through my drawers and cleaning out all the junk I have collected. This year I decided to go through my nightstand drawer which I haven’t touched in several years. Inside of it, I found three rings that I was awarded during my last few years at Wal-Mart. I have to say that I was taken back for a few minutes at the size and gaudiness of these rings, but then it started to bring a rush of emotion and the sense of realization of what these rings actually represented. At the time of achieving these rings, it was something that was the goal that I had had for years and finally accomplished. I was proud of my accomplishments and was proud of the success of my store. It is good to have goals in life and to try to reach those goals, but what if those goals are ones of selfish ambition, instead of sacrificial love for your family and your God.

            I can remember receiving the first ring in 2003 and being honored at our yearly meeting for meeting the sales goal of exceeding $100 million in one year. At that time in Wal-Mart, this was not an accomplishment made by many. Today, it is an expectation for those who ran a store the size of the one that I managed. So in 2003 I was one of less than 100 managers out of 3000 stores who were honored to receive this ring. The sense of pride reaching another goal that I had set was larger than the room that I sat in. I was proud of myself, I was proud of my store, and I was most proud that I had this big ugly ring to put on my finger.

            The second ring came in 2004, and it was in this year that I begin to understand the many things that I had sacrificed in order to reach my goals at work. I was good at what I did, but I was even better at convincing myself that it was all done as a selfless act for my family, when in reality it was a selfish ambition that cost my family many scars, and wounds as they grew during this time. With the ring in 2004, I did not have that sense of pride that I had in 2003. The feeling that I had was one of guilt. I began to feel guilty for being recognized for the work of others, and at the expense of my family.

            The third ring came in 2005, and also happen to be the last year Wal-Mart handed out these rings. When I received this ring, there were no feelings of pride, and the feelings of guilt had turned towards shame. I was shameful for what I had become in order to achieve these goals, and what I had sacrificed in order to be recognized, and awarded. I had received many awards during my 27 year career at Wal-Mart and I was quite proud of these accomplishments, but now it has been five years since my career ended with them, and all these awards sit in a box packed up in the garage. So in reflection I have to ask myself, “what value do these things have now, and what value did they bring to my life?” 

            I believe as humans, it is so easy for us to get caught up in our work careers. We begin to excuse our behaviors and, actions by using our family as the excuse, because it is necessary to work like this in order to support them. This is something that many corporations drill into the individual; it is our self-accomplishments, and are self-achievements that will bring us glory at work which will result in more income, resulting in a better family life. In reality, it is a false doctrine taught by corporations that goes against every biblical doctrine you can find. The key point that I want to make in this message comes with the words that I used in the very beginning, and that was “sacrifice”. What does it truly mean to sacrifice something or someone in order to achieve something that you desire?

            The secular definition of sacrifice goes something like this, “the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim”. If we look at the biblical definition of sacrifice we have to add to the word sacrifice, the word offering, in order to get the correct meaning. It was through the sacrificial offerings by which people hope to atone for the sins and restore fellowship with God. The offering was the best and most perfect animal they had, which was a prize possession. They would have to sacrifice it in order to become right with God for the sins they had performed. If we look at the two of these together we can see that in many ways that we often sacrifice things in order to achieve something better. But what happens when that sacrifice turns into a sacrificial offering in order to reach ambitions, and goals that are self-centered, and self-directed. Often it is our spouse and children who become the sacrificial lambs without us realizing it, because we are caught up in the false doctrine of believing what we are doing is right for our family. This was what I had become, and where I was in my career. Without realizing it, and without recognizing it, I had begun to use my family as a sacrificial offering to the business world in order to achieve goals that I desired, because it was what I needed to do to “support my family”.

            During this time period I lost touch with my three older children and my spouse. My youngest son was too young to realize what was going on. I convinced myself that it was through no fault of my own for the many mistakes my older children were making, because I had worked hard, and I had been a good provider. What I didn’t realize was that I had been an absent provider, and what they needed was not more money, but more me. I also now realize that my work had become my escape from dealing with my failures as a father and a husband. I knew that I was not living up to God’s expectations as father and spouse, but by working, and being recognized for achievements, it was easy to excuse my behaviors and actions as necessary to support my family. Now that my children are in their adult age, I realize that it was not more money they wanted, but more love from me, more time with me, and more togetherness as a family. What they also needed was a father who led by example by living a life committed to God and His ways. What they got was a father who was committed to work, and was too exhausted at home to spend time with them or was too distant to be available to spend time with them.

            My three older children have suffered a lot of wounds and now have scars that they carried into their early adult years. These wounds and scars often led them down the wrong path in life, but eventually they have each year found their way or are on their way to the right path which leads to righteousness and godliness. As for me, it was in the year 2006 that I step down to a lesser position to spend more time with my family but was diagnosed with cancer early in 2007. It has been since that time that I have not been able to work, and have been able to reach out to my adult children and attempt to make amends for my many wrongs during those years of childhood. God has led me on a journey and has shown me the ugliness of the world that I once lived, in the ugliness of the person I once was. I look at this box of awards and I look at these three rings and now understand that I was not building treasures in heaven, but treasures on earth, and in the process, as is standard when we put ourselves before God, there were those who suffered for my selfishness which I called ambition, and excused myself by the theology of the corporate doctrine, that this would create a better life for my family.

            So why now do I sit here and write this out and post this after these many years and many of the wounds have now healed? The reason is simple, there are many young men and women who were caught up in the corporate doctrine and do not realize it. They have convinced themselves that all this time and work is for the betterment of their family, when in reality it is a detriment to their family. Children do not care how much money you make, they only care how much time you spend with them and how much love that you show them. Whether you make $200,000 or $30,000, it makes no difference to them. Whether you live in the nicest house or you live in a modest home, it makes no difference to them. As for your spouse, all he/she wants is your love, respect, and for you to be there as a partner in raising the family together. If you are caught up in the corporate doctrine, you often treat your spouse as an employee, and make demands of them, as you would an employee. You may become critical of your spouse, and may also become resentful at times because you have to work like you do in order to support the family. But this is a false doctrine; it is not a true doctrine. There is a balance, and the balance can be found through the word of God, and through the understanding of how we are to live as a family in balance with one another. So if you are reading this, and are one of those who feel they may be caught up in the corporate doctrine, it may be time for some self-reflection, self-evaluation, and one on one time with God. If you are a spouse of someone who you believe that is caught up in the corporate doctrine then I suggest that you reach out to God to guide you, and to assist you in helping you to reach your spouse in the way that they will understand, and be able to reflect on their actions truthfully and honestly. There are too many marriages that struggle and fail due to the corporate doctrine, and they often feel like they are alone or that no one else is going through what they are. But they are not alone because there is always God and he is always there.

            In the coming months I will be introducing a website and a Facebook page which would be called “Grace Is Yours” that will be a prayer, encouragement and counseling ministry to reach out to the many families who are hurting and struggling with the issues in today’s world. It will be one that will offer suggestions and guidance but there will also be opportunity for me to counsel with those who desire it. If you have a need prior to the opening of the website, I can always be contacted via email at smoser1991@gmail.com or via phone at 423-381-0117.

For each of us there are two questions that we should be asking ourselves every day. These questions are, “how are my actions today impacting the kingdom of God” and the second question should be “what have I done today to prove and show unconditional love to my spouse and my children”. When we begin each day with these questions we will become less self-centered and more concerned with what is important in life, and that is not what we accomplish in our careers or any amount of money we earn, but in the legacy we leave as a father and a husband through our children.




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The Broken Man

8/12/2009

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August 2009 

   As I sit here today, I have found that I am a broken man.  One that’s body is worn out, mind is tired, and the spirit gone.  I feel like the old mower that sits in my workshop that I have had for many years, that has always done its job, but today, it sits there broken and useless to me.  That mower was the best in its time.  Always started, always mowed level, and never gave me a bit of trouble.  But as the years went on, I had to start repairing and working on it to keep it going.  Now, it just sits, waiting for my next move.

     People are a lot like that mower.  We get to that point and try to figure out what the next best move is.  We look at keeping it as it is, or investing money into to bring it back.  But what if it is so broken, that no repair would bring it back to what it once was.  What do we do then?

      I have thought a lot about this and the similarities between myself and that mower.  There are two ways to look at this scenario and which way to go.  There is the way we do things, as humans, in this world and time.  Then there is the way that God handles things, in His way and time. 

     Our humanistic thought is to eliminate what does not work.  To discard it, stick it back somewhere out of the way, or give it away.  We will buy a new one, that is bigger, better, faster and more efficient.  And as we use the new one, we will soon forget the old one, and even forget that it once existed.  We are loyal to what serves our purpose now and tend to forget about what got us where we are. 

   God looks at that old mower and doesn’t see what it is or what it was.  He looks and it and sees what it could be.  That mower was great in its day, but it no longer can mow like it did, but that doesn’t mean that it is useless.  What if we were to take the working parts that were there, and combined them with new parts and created a new item?  The motor could be used as the driving force behind a new item.  The wheels and handles could also be used as the steering force.  In this instance, the mower became what is now a small tiller.  It does not cut the grass, but tills the ground for the grass to grow.  It has gone from a grounds maintainer to a ground breaker.

      In order for Him to fix us and our life, He must first break us down.  Pull out the parts that are bad, replace them with good parts.  In this process we may not come back to the world as we were, but as He wants us to be.  We may not serve in the way we have, but in a new way that is more desirable to Him.  

     When we look around at our world, we must look at things as He does.  We must think of what they could be, and not what they are or have been.  When someone’s life is falling apart, and they are broken down from this world,  don’t think of what they were, or are, but what they will be, when they emerge from being rebuilt by God.  For the broken-hearted and broken-spirited, we must look to God to rebuild us in His glory, and follow His lead on wherever He takes us.  It is not rebuke or punishment that brings us down to our knees, but His love for us and for what we could be for Him. 

     So when we enter that phase of our life, we must not look for worldly things to bring us back to what we once were.  We must not expect to return to the glory we once thought we had.  We must allow God to rebuild us into a new item in Him, that will serve His purpose and not ours.  So, do not look back in life at what you were or are, but what you will be once He has finished rebuilding you.

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    After spending 27 years working in retail, customer service and human resources, I realized that the majority of my days were spent counseling others.  I returned to school and received my bachelors degree in Psychology/Christian Counseling and have obtained a Master's degree in Pastoral Counseling/Marriage and Family Therapy. I am a Board Certified Pastoral Counselor through  the  American Association of Christian Counselors and the Board of Christian Professional and Pastoral Counselors.  I am licensed as a minister of Pastoral Counseling and an ordained minister through the National Association of Christian Ministers.


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