It is that time of year when I start going through my drawers and cleaning out all the junk I have collected. This year I decided to go through my nightstand drawer which I haven’t touched in several years. Inside of it, I found three rings that I was awarded during my last few years at Wal-Mart. I have to say that I was taken back for a few minutes at the size and gaudiness of these rings, but then it started to bring a rush of emotion and the sense of realization of what these rings actually represented. At the time of achieving these rings, it was something that was the goal that I had had for years and finally accomplished. I was proud of my accomplishments and was proud of the success of my store. It is good to have goals in life and to try to reach those goals, but what if those goals are ones of selfish ambition, instead of sacrificial love for your family and your God.
I can remember receiving the first ring in 2003 and being honored at our yearly meeting for meeting the sales goal of exceeding $100 million in one year. At that time in Wal-Mart, this was not an accomplishment made by many. Today, it is an expectation for those who ran a store the size of the one that I managed. So in 2003 I was one of less than 100 managers out of 3000 stores who were honored to receive this ring. The sense of pride reaching another goal that I had set was larger than the room that I sat in. I was proud of myself, I was proud of my store, and I was most proud that I had this big ugly ring to put on my finger.
The second ring came in 2004, and it was in this year that I begin to understand the many things that I had sacrificed in order to reach my goals at work. I was good at what I did, but I was even better at convincing myself that it was all done as a selfless act for my family, when in reality it was a selfish ambition that cost my family many scars, and wounds as they grew during this time. With the ring in 2004, I did not have that sense of pride that I had in 2003. The feeling that I had was one of guilt. I began to feel guilty for being recognized for the work of others, and at the expense of my family.
The third ring came in 2005, and also happen to be the last year Wal-Mart handed out these rings. When I received this ring, there were no feelings of pride, and the feelings of guilt had turned towards shame. I was shameful for what I had become in order to achieve these goals, and what I had sacrificed in order to be recognized, and awarded. I had received many awards during my 27 year career at Wal-Mart and I was quite proud of these accomplishments, but now it has been five years since my career ended with them, and all these awards sit in a box packed up in the garage. So in reflection I have to ask myself, “what value do these things have now, and what value did they bring to my life?”
I believe as humans, it is so easy for us to get caught up in our work careers. We begin to excuse our behaviors and, actions by using our family as the excuse, because it is necessary to work like this in order to support them. This is something that many corporations drill into the individual; it is our self-accomplishments, and are self-achievements that will bring us glory at work which will result in more income, resulting in a better family life. In reality, it is a false doctrine taught by corporations that goes against every biblical doctrine you can find. The key point that I want to make in this message comes with the words that I used in the very beginning, and that was “sacrifice”. What does it truly mean to sacrifice something or someone in order to achieve something that you desire?
The secular definition of sacrifice goes something like this, “the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim”. If we look at the biblical definition of sacrifice we have to add to the word sacrifice, the word offering, in order to get the correct meaning. It was through the sacrificial offerings by which people hope to atone for the sins and restore fellowship with God. The offering was the best and most perfect animal they had, which was a prize possession. They would have to sacrifice it in order to become right with God for the sins they had performed. If we look at the two of these together we can see that in many ways that we often sacrifice things in order to achieve something better. But what happens when that sacrifice turns into a sacrificial offering in order to reach ambitions, and goals that are self-centered, and self-directed. Often it is our spouse and children who become the sacrificial lambs without us realizing it, because we are caught up in the false doctrine of believing what we are doing is right for our family. This was what I had become, and where I was in my career. Without realizing it, and without recognizing it, I had begun to use my family as a sacrificial offering to the business world in order to achieve goals that I desired, because it was what I needed to do to “support my family”.
During this time period I lost touch with my three older children and my spouse. My youngest son was too young to realize what was going on. I convinced myself that it was through no fault of my own for the many mistakes my older children were making, because I had worked hard, and I had been a good provider. What I didn’t realize was that I had been an absent provider, and what they needed was not more money, but more me. I also now realize that my work had become my escape from dealing with my failures as a father and a husband. I knew that I was not living up to God’s expectations as father and spouse, but by working, and being recognized for achievements, it was easy to excuse my behaviors and actions as necessary to support my family. Now that my children are in their adult age, I realize that it was not more money they wanted, but more love from me, more time with me, and more togetherness as a family. What they also needed was a father who led by example by living a life committed to God and His ways. What they got was a father who was committed to work, and was too exhausted at home to spend time with them or was too distant to be available to spend time with them.
My three older children have suffered a lot of wounds and now have scars that they carried into their early adult years. These wounds and scars often led them down the wrong path in life, but eventually they have each year found their way or are on their way to the right path which leads to righteousness and godliness. As for me, it was in the year 2006 that I step down to a lesser position to spend more time with my family but was diagnosed with cancer early in 2007. It has been since that time that I have not been able to work, and have been able to reach out to my adult children and attempt to make amends for my many wrongs during those years of childhood. God has led me on a journey and has shown me the ugliness of the world that I once lived, in the ugliness of the person I once was. I look at this box of awards and I look at these three rings and now understand that I was not building treasures in heaven, but treasures on earth, and in the process, as is standard when we put ourselves before God, there were those who suffered for my selfishness which I called ambition, and excused myself by the theology of the corporate doctrine, that this would create a better life for my family.
So why now do I sit here and write this out and post this after these many years and many of the wounds have now healed? The reason is simple, there are many young men and women who were caught up in the corporate doctrine and do not realize it. They have convinced themselves that all this time and work is for the betterment of their family, when in reality it is a detriment to their family. Children do not care how much money you make, they only care how much time you spend with them and how much love that you show them. Whether you make $200,000 or $30,000, it makes no difference to them. Whether you live in the nicest house or you live in a modest home, it makes no difference to them. As for your spouse, all he/she wants is your love, respect, and for you to be there as a partner in raising the family together. If you are caught up in the corporate doctrine, you often treat your spouse as an employee, and make demands of them, as you would an employee. You may become critical of your spouse, and may also become resentful at times because you have to work like you do in order to support the family. But this is a false doctrine; it is not a true doctrine. There is a balance, and the balance can be found through the word of God, and through the understanding of how we are to live as a family in balance with one another. So if you are reading this, and are one of those who feel they may be caught up in the corporate doctrine, it may be time for some self-reflection, self-evaluation, and one on one time with God. If you are a spouse of someone who you believe that is caught up in the corporate doctrine then I suggest that you reach out to God to guide you, and to assist you in helping you to reach your spouse in the way that they will understand, and be able to reflect on their actions truthfully and honestly. There are too many marriages that struggle and fail due to the corporate doctrine, and they often feel like they are alone or that no one else is going through what they are. But they are not alone because there is always God and he is always there.
In the coming months I will be introducing a website and a Facebook page which would be called “Grace Is Yours” that will be a prayer, encouragement and counseling ministry to reach out to the many families who are hurting and struggling with the issues in today’s world. It will be one that will offer suggestions and guidance but there will also be opportunity for me to counsel with those who desire it. If you have a need prior to the opening of the website, I can always be contacted via email at smoser1991@gmail.com or via phone at 423-381-0117.
For each of us there are two questions that we should be asking ourselves every day. These questions are, “how are my actions today impacting the kingdom of God” and the second question should be “what have I done today to prove and show unconditional love to my spouse and my children”. When we begin each day with these questions we will become less self-centered and more concerned with what is important in life, and that is not what we accomplish in our careers or any amount of money we earn, but in the legacy we leave as a father and a husband through our children.
I can remember receiving the first ring in 2003 and being honored at our yearly meeting for meeting the sales goal of exceeding $100 million in one year. At that time in Wal-Mart, this was not an accomplishment made by many. Today, it is an expectation for those who ran a store the size of the one that I managed. So in 2003 I was one of less than 100 managers out of 3000 stores who were honored to receive this ring. The sense of pride reaching another goal that I had set was larger than the room that I sat in. I was proud of myself, I was proud of my store, and I was most proud that I had this big ugly ring to put on my finger.
The second ring came in 2004, and it was in this year that I begin to understand the many things that I had sacrificed in order to reach my goals at work. I was good at what I did, but I was even better at convincing myself that it was all done as a selfless act for my family, when in reality it was a selfish ambition that cost my family many scars, and wounds as they grew during this time. With the ring in 2004, I did not have that sense of pride that I had in 2003. The feeling that I had was one of guilt. I began to feel guilty for being recognized for the work of others, and at the expense of my family.
The third ring came in 2005, and also happen to be the last year Wal-Mart handed out these rings. When I received this ring, there were no feelings of pride, and the feelings of guilt had turned towards shame. I was shameful for what I had become in order to achieve these goals, and what I had sacrificed in order to be recognized, and awarded. I had received many awards during my 27 year career at Wal-Mart and I was quite proud of these accomplishments, but now it has been five years since my career ended with them, and all these awards sit in a box packed up in the garage. So in reflection I have to ask myself, “what value do these things have now, and what value did they bring to my life?”
I believe as humans, it is so easy for us to get caught up in our work careers. We begin to excuse our behaviors and, actions by using our family as the excuse, because it is necessary to work like this in order to support them. This is something that many corporations drill into the individual; it is our self-accomplishments, and are self-achievements that will bring us glory at work which will result in more income, resulting in a better family life. In reality, it is a false doctrine taught by corporations that goes against every biblical doctrine you can find. The key point that I want to make in this message comes with the words that I used in the very beginning, and that was “sacrifice”. What does it truly mean to sacrifice something or someone in order to achieve something that you desire?
The secular definition of sacrifice goes something like this, “the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim”. If we look at the biblical definition of sacrifice we have to add to the word sacrifice, the word offering, in order to get the correct meaning. It was through the sacrificial offerings by which people hope to atone for the sins and restore fellowship with God. The offering was the best and most perfect animal they had, which was a prize possession. They would have to sacrifice it in order to become right with God for the sins they had performed. If we look at the two of these together we can see that in many ways that we often sacrifice things in order to achieve something better. But what happens when that sacrifice turns into a sacrificial offering in order to reach ambitions, and goals that are self-centered, and self-directed. Often it is our spouse and children who become the sacrificial lambs without us realizing it, because we are caught up in the false doctrine of believing what we are doing is right for our family. This was what I had become, and where I was in my career. Without realizing it, and without recognizing it, I had begun to use my family as a sacrificial offering to the business world in order to achieve goals that I desired, because it was what I needed to do to “support my family”.
During this time period I lost touch with my three older children and my spouse. My youngest son was too young to realize what was going on. I convinced myself that it was through no fault of my own for the many mistakes my older children were making, because I had worked hard, and I had been a good provider. What I didn’t realize was that I had been an absent provider, and what they needed was not more money, but more me. I also now realize that my work had become my escape from dealing with my failures as a father and a husband. I knew that I was not living up to God’s expectations as father and spouse, but by working, and being recognized for achievements, it was easy to excuse my behaviors and actions as necessary to support my family. Now that my children are in their adult age, I realize that it was not more money they wanted, but more love from me, more time with me, and more togetherness as a family. What they also needed was a father who led by example by living a life committed to God and His ways. What they got was a father who was committed to work, and was too exhausted at home to spend time with them or was too distant to be available to spend time with them.
My three older children have suffered a lot of wounds and now have scars that they carried into their early adult years. These wounds and scars often led them down the wrong path in life, but eventually they have each year found their way or are on their way to the right path which leads to righteousness and godliness. As for me, it was in the year 2006 that I step down to a lesser position to spend more time with my family but was diagnosed with cancer early in 2007. It has been since that time that I have not been able to work, and have been able to reach out to my adult children and attempt to make amends for my many wrongs during those years of childhood. God has led me on a journey and has shown me the ugliness of the world that I once lived, in the ugliness of the person I once was. I look at this box of awards and I look at these three rings and now understand that I was not building treasures in heaven, but treasures on earth, and in the process, as is standard when we put ourselves before God, there were those who suffered for my selfishness which I called ambition, and excused myself by the theology of the corporate doctrine, that this would create a better life for my family.
So why now do I sit here and write this out and post this after these many years and many of the wounds have now healed? The reason is simple, there are many young men and women who were caught up in the corporate doctrine and do not realize it. They have convinced themselves that all this time and work is for the betterment of their family, when in reality it is a detriment to their family. Children do not care how much money you make, they only care how much time you spend with them and how much love that you show them. Whether you make $200,000 or $30,000, it makes no difference to them. Whether you live in the nicest house or you live in a modest home, it makes no difference to them. As for your spouse, all he/she wants is your love, respect, and for you to be there as a partner in raising the family together. If you are caught up in the corporate doctrine, you often treat your spouse as an employee, and make demands of them, as you would an employee. You may become critical of your spouse, and may also become resentful at times because you have to work like you do in order to support the family. But this is a false doctrine; it is not a true doctrine. There is a balance, and the balance can be found through the word of God, and through the understanding of how we are to live as a family in balance with one another. So if you are reading this, and are one of those who feel they may be caught up in the corporate doctrine, it may be time for some self-reflection, self-evaluation, and one on one time with God. If you are a spouse of someone who you believe that is caught up in the corporate doctrine then I suggest that you reach out to God to guide you, and to assist you in helping you to reach your spouse in the way that they will understand, and be able to reflect on their actions truthfully and honestly. There are too many marriages that struggle and fail due to the corporate doctrine, and they often feel like they are alone or that no one else is going through what they are. But they are not alone because there is always God and he is always there.
In the coming months I will be introducing a website and a Facebook page which would be called “Grace Is Yours” that will be a prayer, encouragement and counseling ministry to reach out to the many families who are hurting and struggling with the issues in today’s world. It will be one that will offer suggestions and guidance but there will also be opportunity for me to counsel with those who desire it. If you have a need prior to the opening of the website, I can always be contacted via email at smoser1991@gmail.com or via phone at 423-381-0117.
For each of us there are two questions that we should be asking ourselves every day. These questions are, “how are my actions today impacting the kingdom of God” and the second question should be “what have I done today to prove and show unconditional love to my spouse and my children”. When we begin each day with these questions we will become less self-centered and more concerned with what is important in life, and that is not what we accomplish in our careers or any amount of money we earn, but in the legacy we leave as a father and a husband through our children.
RSS Feed